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How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

(6 customer reviews)

Original price was: $35.00.Current price is: $19.99.

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain

As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to?

Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.

The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

6 reviews for How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

  1. Joe Collector
    October 31, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Mr. Brooks puts it all together so we’ll.
    I am devouring this book slowly, one chapter at a time. It’s the most thoughtful and honest overview of human interactions. I am marking it up with a ...More
    I am devouring this book slowly, one chapter at a time. It’s the most thoughtful and honest overview of human interactions. I am marking it up with a high lighter and will certainly be revisiting chapters again.
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    J.M. Ryan
    October 30, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars An Important Book on an Important Topic Taking a Much Needed Skill Building Focus
    David Brooks is good at both reporting and synthesizing best current thinking. Here, in this new book, importantly, he is driven also by his own learn...More
    David Brooks is good at both reporting and synthesizing best current thinking. Here, in this new book, importantly, he is driven also by his own learning. I think of him as a reflective practitioner. A fellow traveler. This is a good book, not a great book. A 5 star rating, however, for cleat intent and effort. This is a “big tent” book full of breadcrumbs of learning and insight. A book that will be relevant and helpful for many. The best chapters go deep. A single topic unpacked like empathy. The chapters in Part 2 are substantive in this way. On the whole, however, the book goes wide (too wide) in addressing a broad range of both personal and public (civic) concerns. The civic focus requires separate treatment. Really, a separate book. Also, at times, this book is both over-written and under-written. A reporter’s dilemma. Hard to find the middle ground balancing theory and practice (stories). In brief, at a deeper level, I think the book lacks an idea architecture in many ways. There is no integrating framework offered. His “illuminator” frame partially does this but it is not fleshed out and defined rigorously enough. The book is more akin to a reporter’s field learnings coupled with a graduate student’s enthusiasm. The book has a palpable sense of discovery about it and offers us the promise of learning and seeing in new ways. And, indeed, it does that. Brooks helps us us take stock and see in new ways. Learning these social skills and the “seeing others” skills more fully, more attentively, that Brooks points to, however, is not easy. I would have liked him to go deeper explaining how these skills are acquired and deepened. That said, I applaud Brooks task and his field research and his own reflections. He is a good role model in both his personal and professional life in the quest for lived wisdom. See chapter 17, “what is wisdom ?”. This is a well intended effort at pulling together this book and his learnings. Finally, his dedication to his deceased friend Peter Marks, his best friend, speaks volumes. Read chapter 10 and his poignant recollections of his friend. Pitch perfect writing found here.
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    Nothanks
    October 29, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
    Wife requested it
    She is enjoying reading it
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    Mark
    October 29, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Must read!!
    David Brooks never disappoints. I flew through this book. The author talks about so many important things in regards to being present, listening, valu...More
    David Brooks never disappoints. I flew through this book. The author talks about so many important things in regards to being present, listening, valuing others, and simply being a good person. After every read I would put the book down and ponder his points. I found myself, and still do, looking for way to simply be kind, listen to others, and try to hear stories that people are wanting to share. You will be a different person after reading this book.
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    Jody Gorran
    October 29, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Phenomenal Feel Good Read
    I really enjoyed this book. David Brooks has expanded my own vision on what is possible when attempting to form emotional connections with others, par...More
    I really enjoyed this book. David Brooks has expanded my own vision on what is possible when attempting to form emotional connections with others, particularly for me at my stage of life generally regarded as “old age”. The book felt like a road map to be followed in the quest to see others deeply and hopefully be able to connect emotionally. Perhaps by attempting to do this I too might be deeply seen.
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    DavidJ
    October 29, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Growing
    Mr. Brooks has written an exceptional book that provides a rich history about relationships. Relationships start with seeing people. Not seeing them p...More
    Mr. Brooks has written an exceptional book that provides a rich history about relationships. Relationships start with seeing people. Not seeing them physically and not even placing people in categories (e.g., Black, male, gay). It's helping to share their stories with you in order that you see them in their entirety. This can happen if you allow yourself to grow, learn, and accept that we humans are mysteries, and we all have our stories. We all want to share those stories, we just need to be seen. Mr. Brooks helps us get the tools for that to happen.
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